When I have a choice, I direct my mind in a creative direction. Planning the next project, choosing colors, visualizing the finished product, feeling the excitement build. It's how I keep myself "Up". Otherwise, I just slide down the rabbit hole into the darkness of reality or perceived fears which are usually unfounded. Are you like that? I have a feeling more of you than not are, as we are all pretty much the same as humans, yet feeling that we are quite different from one another. Strange.
My concern today is my father, and then of course, my mother. My father has had a pacemaker for 8 years. It's time to change it out. He is now 84 and has been plagued by back operations for the past several years. The problem with him having surgery is about the blood thinners he has to stop taking for surgery. It has resulted in a stroke a couple times....scarier than the surgery itself. So.......I'm worried, of course. And worried for mom who is a little frail. They have made it through worse, but they're a little tired right now and not really up for this.
I'm not a care-giver by nature. Am rather awkward in that role and tend to hang back and ring my hands. However........there is just no way to turn this into a creative project with exciting colors, so I must face reality and try to help them when myself is teetering precariously. So.......cleaned their house yesterday. Should really cook some lovely things that can be frozen today and deliver them tomorrow as the next day is surgery day. I must ask my father if all is in order or if there is something he'd like to discuss before the operation. So difficult for all of us. Sigh......... And then I must take care of myself so I don't spiral out into the Universe or crumble into pieces. How shall I handle the stressful day in the hospital (me who suffers from panic attacks and phobias), waiting for news on a stress level of 10 (not good at all) ? Well, I'll take my crochet, of course. I need to plan something colorful with a familiar pattern because following new directions would certainly end in an odd looking item when my mind is racing with fearful thoughts.
So, I have decided. I'm going to start a cotton yarn tote bag with sturdy handles and colorful flower appliques. I have made 3 of these in acrylic. This new one shall be in springier colors with a base of Natural color and using up all the ends of all the skeins of every color of the rainbow. I want it to be a happy bag. Cheerful and positive. Fun and free. No worries. No fears. Just simple joy of existance.
Thank you once again Lucy, from Attic24, for your inspirations and your joyful expectations in life. Blogs are much deeper and much grander and many times more helpful than anyone ever guessed. I certianly hope I've helped someone work through their "reality bites" problem today.